I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What a fucking waste of an outfit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need a beard to bite.
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