I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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