You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
