Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
