so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
