i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
