community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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