Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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