i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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