Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Operation Purity has been aborted
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
