For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
