barbara walters just said penis...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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