Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
