It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
