Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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