Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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