i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
