so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
