$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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