Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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