What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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