Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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