i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
