i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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