Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
