The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
