She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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