My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
