Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
