I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
