Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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