Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
don't judge my taste in strippers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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