I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The best revenge is premature balding
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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