Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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