it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A+ Viking dick
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