People in love make me want to vomit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
