I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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