remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just tell him i said nine months
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
