so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
