3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet he comes in French.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
