Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
