what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
