My nipple is on Facebook.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
