So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
