There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
