we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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