the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
