hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
