I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
