he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
