17 year olds will be the death of me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
